poetic history

Every now and then you catch one of those moments, flitting about tiny as a dust mote, but golden and shivering off a tiny glimmer that you can ignore or chase.

I caught it.

There is a poet friend of mine and knowing him has helped me to realise that I might be a poet too.  Maybe one day.  He writes poetry and about poetry, introducing me both intentionally and not to poem-mirrors that make me wonder.  Perhaps I can do/am doing this?  These moments are a kind of equation, a logic that appeals to my maths-geek brain.  If fragment of poem (x)  = fragment of poem (y) and x is the work of a ‘real poet’, is perhaps y the work of a ‘real poet’.

Reading my friend’s new book (about poems, of course), I come across this thought.  When was my first poetry experience?  In fact, what is my poetic history?  These questions have literally never occurred to me before.

(What is more, these questions answer the matter I pondered in happy birthday extraplorer:  whether to write about creative living.  The answer, I think, is not to write about how to do it, but to discover more about my own creativity.)

So another avenue of extraploration opens up…

To answer the first question (and to hop over nursery rhymes, songs, my parents’ banter), my earliest poetic memory is not of reading a poem, but writing one. This makes me think that I must have read one, otherwise how would I have known what a poem was? But it seems that the poem at the heart of my own poetry has vanished.  What is left is a memory of creating tiny poetry books, maybe an inch and a half square, hand-illustrated and stapled, with rhymes like this:

My mummy is very kind
when you’re hurt she’ll bathe and bind
she wraps me up in bed
and kisses me on my head.
I love my mummy.

As far as I recall I was about six or seven years old. (I also wrote songs.)

While I must have read poetry at primary school (and maybe it will come back to me; I have a vague dusty feeling thinking about it, as if the poems I encountered must have said nothing to me), my first memory of a poem is from an English class age ten or eleven.  There is a line in it I still recall, although extensive googling does not retrieve the poem. It is my first memory of being stirred by poetic magic:

‘interminable flocks
hives of the archipelago’

The captivating five syllables of ‘interminable’ have never left me and I see flocks flying still as I breathe these lines, as far as the eye can see.

lost voice weekend

Exhaustion?
A sneaky virus on yet another train?
A cold morning run, who knows.
Silence overtakes me;
A sign.

Patience, patience,

Unexpected space
among commitments,
parting a to-do list thicket.
Stillness;
the beech trees hold their
breath too.

Patience dans l’azur.

Aside from life,
days slide into blur.
Voiceless, those with me
whisper back.

Chaque atôme de silence

I give into mystery,
tumble into poetry.

Est la chance d’un fruit mûr.

Wait.

Note: The lines in italics are taken from ‘Palme’ by Paul Valéry,

And if I loved forty

And if I loved forty,
it would be for the sweet joy
of confidence in a room.

And if I loved forty,
it would be that I
knew my place
– inside out.

And if I loved forty,
it would find me able
to sit awhile with someone sad
and mourn.

And if I loved forty,
it would be to see dear friends children
grow old enough to make me
a cup of tea.

And if I loved forty,
I would embrace quiet,
evenings by myself
a blessing of solitude.

And if I loved forty,
it would be for long views still
of growing, and of grandeur.

And if I loved forty,
it would be for patience,
and for knowing
that all things are made new.

And if I loved forty,
my friends too would be
grown and worn into
comfortable grooves of
loving kindness.

And if I loved forty,
I would be wise.

back to school

a nip in the air
that by half past two
will have disappeared leaving
a winter uniform
radiating polyester
heat.

new bag, new pencil case,
new pen, new ruler,
all rigid with first day nerves,
soon will have stories
written all over them.

a freshly made packed lunch
two sandwiches, crisps, an apple,
will not be fully eaten
til day three.

I’ll never be this early for the bus again.

the double

The girl who lives
in the house like mine
with the sitting room like mine
and the coffee cup like mine
and the cat like mine
(in my imagination)
and the carpets like mine
and the sofa like mine
(Ercol, again, slight wishful thinking)
and whose presence I have
every time I ran past
her house found
strangely reassuring
(you could see straight in the window
until she frosted the glass)
for the last eight years
has moved.

I am bereft.
Who am I?