beauty

at the barre

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I take my place
in Degas,
one knee bent, to
slide my foot into pink leather.
I wish I had ribbons and a tutu.

I walk over to the barre,
stand in a line with
Pauline, Petrova and Posy,
but the self I face in the mirror,
is a grown-up woman.

My head turns into
Coppelia, a line traced
through generations.
My toes point with
Bull and Bussell,
Pavlova, and Guillem,
almost.

I plié and rise,
and I am in a
pirouette of dancing
bliss.  The landing is askew;
I am alight.

‘And one and two
and three and four’
echoes all around
me and all around the
world.  A hundred little girls
and companies of swans and mice
and courtiers and peasants.

Did someone just call me a
ballerina?  Oh!

in the goldsmith’s workshop

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Last weekend, tucked away in a corner of my city, surrounded by beautiful handmade jewellery, a goldsmith friend and I worked together to create something in writing about her work.

A goldsmith’s workshop is a metaphorical and literal treasure-house.  Scattered all over the place were tools, little bags of silver wire, strange little ladles and dishes.  As we talked, she showed me gem stones from distant mines and pearls from seas in far flung places. As our conversation explored the events and moments in life which are marked by things made in precious materials, the goldsmith told me a story, one of the many secrets of the workshop…

The goldsmith had a customer who had recently become divorced.  Still distraught, she brought her rings to the goldsmith; could they be remade, she wondered?  Hidden in the liminal space of the goldsmith’s workshop, the customer and the goldsmith worked together to melt down the engagement ring and the wedding ring that had symbolised love, and commitment and hope and friendship.  As the metals turned liquid, so tears flowed down the face of the customer.  Something was dying; pain, disappointment and loss seeped out of the cracks of the broken heart.  In the crucible of the molten gold, impurities from the former life of the rings burnt away.

And then the process of re-creation started.  Moment by moment, the customer and the goldsmith designed something beautiful from the raw materials of the old.  What had been was no more; what was left was a becoming.  Slowly the customer watched the goldsmith work with her designs and her hopes to create something new.  Wonder took the place of tears, and then joy and hope and delight.  The new ring slipped onto her finger and with it new meaning, shaped from the wisdom of experience, for a new life.

The fire crackled, the conversation went on…

things I want to tell my children but might forget – bathing

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But before we go to France let’s talk about a few more things to do with getting up.  After breakfast, I like to have a bath (I would like to have written ‘take a bath’ because this is how people in olden times might say it and it is like a wink to the past to do this, but really I would normally say have a bath).

Quite a lot of people think that there is no time to have a bath in the morning.  Maybe it is because you haven’t arrived in your life yet, but I love to have a bath and because I am in charge of my own time and not (yet) sharing it, I can.  When you arrive in my life you will probably start by being bathed in the evening before bed.  This is nice too because you can go to bed all clean.  I am not sure, we will all have to see what works for us all.

But back to bathing.  Whether in the morning or at night, a bath is a special event for several reasons.  Firstly, it is a real privilege because in the time and place we live, we have warm running water.  Secondly it is like swimming and your whole body can enjoy the pleasure of being in a comforting environment.  If you are grown up like me, bathing also connects you to lots of happy memories of childhood, and for all of us bathing connects us to people who have lived since the beginning of the world, because bathing is common to many cultures (a culture is build up of actions and thoughts in a particular place or group over time); people have always needed to get clean.  In the bath you are your most ordinary self.  No one is expecting anything of you and it’s clear that you are skin and bones and toes and legs and arms.  It is easy to forget this at other times.  It’s also somewhere where you can smell beautiful smells that sometimes you don’t have time to take in.  I love rose and peony but I also love seaside smells and richer scents like verbena and fir and lemon.

When you are in a bath there is a fun game you can play which is called Bubble Factory.  You put bubble bath in and then see how much foam you can create by agitating the water to make bubbles.  This is particularly fun if you are in the bath with your brothers and sisters.  Also, you can make foam hair and beards and pretend to be Father Christmas, and you can make designs in foam on your tummy.  Foam is amazing!  It’s incredible that you can create it from just a tiny bit of soap and water.  Once my brother put bubble bath in a special bath called a spa-bath and it made so much foam that the room was filled almost to the ceiling and he couldn’t see the door to get out!

So a morning bath can set you up for a happy day because of all the lovely things that you get to experience in the water.  In the house I live in now, I can also see the sky from the window in the bathroom which means that sometimes I can lie in the bath and watch clouds float past.  Then it’s like there’s foam in the bath water and foam in the blue sky, which makes it feels like the inside and outside worlds are singing call and response to each other.

found poems thoughts

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After discovering/creating my first found poem, I found that there were two other poems present in my photos from cities I visited last year.  Somehow, working on these has been one of the most joyful things I have ever done with my writing.  I love the idea of poems lurking all over the place, and it takes a person to connect with them and make them visible to other people.

This collaborative approach to being alive is a thread that runs through a lot of my work.  In surfing, while the sea is beautiful by itself, the presence of a surfer makes a wave into something else.  The interaction of the the surfer with the forces of the wave reveals something that is powerful and profound about how we live our lives in  collaboration with our circumstances.  We are not defined by circumstances, but we are always living our lives within them.  Finding the most beautiful way to relate to our circumstances takes vision,  power, grace and practice.

A found poem is an example of a beautiful relationship to the world around us.

things I want to tell my children but might forget – having breakfast

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Having breakfast

I am going to tell you about my favourite breakfast and then see what is interesting about breakfasts.  In fact I’m going to tell you about two favourite breakfasts.  One is an everyday favourite, and one is a special day favourite.  You might wonder which one is the actual favourite, and this is in fact a revealing question, because what it shows is that sometimes what is best is not about the actual thing itself, but about how things fit together.  So, first of all, my favourite everyday breakfast is Yorkshire Gold tea with skimmed milk and multiseed bloomer freshly toasted in a Dualit toaster (set to 2) with butter (not very much) and Tiptree Orange and Tangerine marmalade.

What is yours?

A breakfast is a kind of handshake in the mouth.  When you get out of bed, you use your sense of sight, seeing your room, smell, smelling the fresh air from the window, hearing, hearing sounds from outside and touch, touching the bed clothes with your hands and the floor with your feet.  The only sense missing is taste.  It is when you drink your tea or eat your toast that the world becomes part of you (breathing air makes it become part of you, but it is not as feel-able as eating).  It is like with a person’s hand that you hold in yours for a moment, and that makes a connection point that is like a bridge to the person.

And this is why it is so important and delightful to have a breakfast you really love.  You want your first big connection to the world to be a joyful one.  And the other thing is that it should not be too much of a big event.  It should be gentle, and it should fit your day.  The favourite everyday breakfast is in many ways very ordinary – it is just toast and tea.  It fits the ordinary-ness of most days, because it is simple and calm to make and eat.  It is also a good breakfast because it requires just a little bit of waiting; waiting for the kettle to boil, and waiting for the toast to toast.  These small delays ease the pathway into the bigger events of the day.  But you might notice that it is very specific; a particular tea, and a particular marmalade and a particular toast, toasted in a particular way.  If you pay attention to tastes you will find that you like a particular kind of thing.  It is part of being a unique person.  You might not always be able to have the thing you want, but when you can, you should.  Different people like different things, and we can celebrate this at breakfast, whereas at dinner, we might like to celebrate everyone participating in the same thing.

So that was the favourite everyday breakfast and the favourite special breakfast is French baguette with butter (not very much) and soft apricot jam.  To have this breakfast we would have to teleport to France.  Have you been to France yet?